Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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