Have you finally orgasmed yet?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
