A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize