I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
