my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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