i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Congratulations! We have a period
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize