my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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