Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
