yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
