The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
