Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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