So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Randomize
