there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
