dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
