his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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