she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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