He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
