My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
