I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
