my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i've created a new STD.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Never underestimate the power of titties
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
