im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
