So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
