Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
