bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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