Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize