This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
