i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
