Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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