I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
