I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize