dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
