I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
