i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
