You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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