i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
