I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
sarcasm needs its own font
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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