I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
