It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
