Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
