I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
