Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize