haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
