What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
