I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
