Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We are two peas in an std pod
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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