So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
