You smell like stripper and shame
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
