we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
