The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need to align my fucking chakras
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
