Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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