I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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