I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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