I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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