Please, let me fuck your mom
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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