Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You ruined the universe
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
