I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
