Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
