i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
