i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
