tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
