dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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