Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
