Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
