i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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