Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
