i think i have two assholes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
