Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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