guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So I just went to clothing optional bar
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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