how can u be prego again
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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