I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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