We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
