You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
